Happy Feet Do Exist. 10 Things you probably didn’t know about body language.
As someone who spends a large amount of time training people in how to build rapport and project confidence in the context of effective communication and leadership, the topic of body language is a serious area of interest for me.
However, body language is an area that for a long time has lacked some seriously good, i.e. actually useful, texts on the subject. There are a lot of books out there that seem to appeal to the ‘pop psychology’ market and sacrifice serious insight into the complexity of human behaviour in favour of making arbitrary statements such as ‘…if someone has their arms crossed it means they are being defensive’. Oh come on!
My life changed, and my disillusion was lifted when one cold and windy Christmas Day two years ago, Joe Navarro’s book ‘What Every Body Is Saying’ found its way from my Amazon wish list to underneath the leafy boughs of my Christmas tree. Finally, a text I can recommend with a smile on my face when someone tells me they’d like to learn more about body language.
So, here are the top ten things I learnt from Mr Joe Navarro:
1. The comfort vs. discomfort dimension is a great place to start when interpreting body language.
The simplest way of interpreting non-verbal behaviour is to identify whether it represents ‘comfort’, i.e. feeling content, happy, relaxed, etc or ‘discomfort', i.e. stress, anxiety, tension, unhappiness, etc.
2. We often engage pacifiers when feeling discomfort.
Pacifiers are actions intended to sooth or calm us down when we feel uncomfortable. Examples of pacifying behaviours include, touching our neck, stroking our face, playing with our hair and rubbing our hands along our legs.
3. The more comfortable we feel the more open our body language is.
This may seem obvious, but what I’m talking about here is exposing the most vulnerable parts of our body, i.e. neck and front torso, where all our vital organs are kept. Think of it like a cat or a dog – the more they like you, the more they want you to scratch their tummy! If they don’t like you, there is no way you are getting near that part of their body. Human beings are pretty much the same.
4. It’s always important to establish a baseline before starting any serious interpretation of a person’s body language.
In other words, establish how they behave typically, on a day-to-day basis – that way you will be able to more accurately identify when they deviate from it. It will also make it easier for you to interpret the strength and nature of any ‘stress’ reactions when they occur.
5. The feet are the most honest part of the body.
Yes, seriously! As they are controlled by a more primitive part of the brain, they are less consciously regulated by us – meaning they are more accurate reflection of how we are feeling. For example, they tend to point towards what we are interested in- such as the door when talking to someone really boring!
6. The face and hands are often the least honest parts of the body.
These are the areas we regulate the most – which means we are most likely to engage them in covering up our true emotions, i.e. smiling at someone we don’t really like! There is still a lot we can learn from observing this area of the body though, in particular, micro expressions. Dr. Paul Ekman is a bit of a guru in this area too.
7. ‘Freeze, fight or flight’.
People often consider reactions to stressful stimuli as ‘fight or flight’ but in reality the first reaction we (and animals) have is freeze. This reaction requires the least amount of defensive energy and enables us to evaluate our best course of action. Ever noticed how someone pauses when they see something unexpected or that they don’t like – before they deciding to either avoid it or go deal with it? That’s the ‘freeze’ reaction.
8. Look out for sudden changes in behaviour.
This is often a non-verbal sign of a change in their psychological state. For example, someone suddenly sitting up or leaning forward when hearing something of interest, or a shifting in their seat when asked an uncomfortable question. I’ve seen this in action and an understanding of these changes can be incredibly powerful when interpreting non-verbal behaviour.
9. You will gain the most information from someone’s non-verbal behaviours whilst standing.
Tables tend to get in the way. They create a physical barrier and hinder our ability to see what is going on underneath the table, i.e. their lower torso, legs and feet – the more honest parts of our body.
10. It’s very difficult to tell when someone is lying.
Even with years of training. However, looking out for ‘blocking behaviours’, and those that reflect discomfort will help us identify where we need to gather more information, i.e. are they being dishonest, or just feeling uncomfortable?
11. (Having your arms crossed doesn’t necessarily mean you are feeling defensive).
Sorry, had to put that one in!! But on a serious note, it could just be because they are feeling cold – the trick is to look out for what’s going on with the shoulders and how tightly the hands are clasped.
So, there is a summary of what I learnt from Mr. Joe Navarro. As for explaining the title of this blog, you’ll just have to go and read the book yourself!
Find out more…
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The encore…
If you’ve made it this far, and still want more, then why not check out these other articles and thought pieces on body language, personal effectiveness and leadership development….
